The weather in Phoenix today started out sunny and warm. It was such a nice day that I did not think about taking an umbrella with me when we went out to do our weekly shopping. So, as I was walking along the sidewalk from one store to another, in the rain, I brushed past a young man on the sidewalk with a scowl on my face, not making eye contact with him when he asked for 30 cents so he could “catch the bus.”
In an instant after I walked past him, I felt so guilty, because I have always believed myself to be a nice, benevolent person. Because there have been many times in my life when I needed something, and thanks to the generosity of friends, strangers or acquaintances I barely knew, I received whatever it was I needed without asking for it.
I have not thought about my friend Michelle in many years. She was one of those people who came into my life “for a season”, and who helped me out the kindness of her heart. I had known her for a couple of years, when I found out that my then husband had been unfaithful to me in a most awful way, a way that I can not talk about here. I went to an attorney to talk about a divorce, and found out that I needed $1800 to pay for it.
Later that same day, when I needed someone to talk to, I turned to Michelle for the comforting shoulder to cry on and the ear to listen. When I told her what was going on, she immediately, without hesitation, offered to pay for my divorce. I was astounded, as it had not been my intention to ask for a loan---I just needed to vent over what was happening. She told me that she had been left a trust fund several years earlier, that meted out to her $1800 every year once a year, and that she usually gave that money to her church, but that she thought I needed it more and that she thought her church would understand. And she made it perfectly clear that it would not be a loan—it was a gift from her to me. The thought of Michelle went through my head in those few steps I took away from the tatooed young man.
So, I turned around and walked back to the young man on the sidewalk. He had a surprised look on his face, but told me that he rode his bicycle to town, and did not want to ride it home in the rain. He was short just 30 cents for a bus ticket. He said he would give me a postage stamp in exchange. I gave him all the change in my purse, and shooed away his offers of an AA battery out his MP3 player, or the offer to play a song in his harmonica.
As I walked away, I still felt ashamed of myself, for not IMMEDIATELY offering to give him the 30 cents. I have always believed that we should be kind to everyone we meet, because we never know which one is going to be our guardian angel. That elderly woman, who is tottering along, blocking your path? That obnoxious child who is screaming at the top of his lungs in the grocery store checkout? That tattooed, multi-pierced young man on the sidewalk? Which one will it be? And because that 30 cents? Will it still “count” as a good deed done, because I walked on past with a hardness in my heart first?