Remember Whensday

This photo is not the best ever made, but it is of me and my daughter, Becca in April 1989. She was the only girl in Girl Scout Troop 147 who wanted to go backpacking. I found a council sponsored two day trip hiking the Appalachian Trail near Cleveland, Georgia. We went to two evening training sessions, where they taught the basic things we needed to know about hiking, and gave us a list of what to bring.

I was a little apprehensive about it because I was not the most athletic person even way back then. But, I hiked for two days, carried my own pack and part of tent, and even climbed down a root ladder about 80 feet! Our guide got us lost, and we wandered around for a couple of hours in mountain laurel that was taller than me. We finally got to the place we were supposed to be to meet our ride back home. I was really proud of myself, but alas, this is the only picture that survived.

To see more Remember Whensday photos, click here.

What Was Her Mother Thinking???

Jim and I were watching Good Morning America this morning, and they had some “boy band” on singing their latest hit. The name of the band doesn’t matter. And of course, there was a throng of screaming girls standing outside the studio, waving signs and looking as if they might swoon if one of those little boys walked up. The news personality or whatever it is they call them nowadays, was interviewing some of those little girls. She asked one of them how old she was, and the reply was “Eight.” Eight years old!!!

What is the mother of that girl thinking? I wondered how that little girl even knew about the band. I wondered why her mother (or her father) would take her to downtown New York to stand outside in the cold waiting to catch a glimpse of a boy band. I was shocked, thinking that when MY girls were eight years old, they wanted to be Brownies, they wanted to play on the girls’ softball team, they wanted to help me in the kitchen. IF they had a favorite singer, it was probably Kermit the Frog, singing that song about the Rainbow.

I know I am not that old, and that I am not that much of a fuddy duddy. When my daughters, who are 33 and 34 years old now, were growing up, I made sure they were dressed appropriately when they left the house. If they wanted to go to their friend Katie’s house down the street to play in the sprinkler, they were not allowed to walk down the street in their bathing suits. I didn’t let them walk to the store by themselves.

I never dropped them off at the mall. If they went to the mall, it was with me. I did not then nor do I now think that the mall is a place to socialize. It is a place to shop. With your mother. And if they went to the movies, I went with them, and sat in the same row as they did. They were not allowed to go on dates with boys until they were sixteen years old, and then they had a curfew of 10:00 p.m. And the boy had to come inside the house when they came to pick them up. And a couple of times in their dating careers, I said “absolutely not” to letting them go out with the young man when I met him. One was thrown physically out of my house for being disrespectful to my daughter in front of me.

Both of my daughters still love me and consider me to be their hero. And, they grew up to be successful, well-adjusted, happy members of society. One was an art teacher at a school for children with learning disabilities and is now assistant manager of a well-known high-end retail store; the other is a biology and special education teacher at a high school.

So, I really did find myself wondering if this little girl’s mother is using any common sense at all. If so, why is she encouraging such an obsession in a child so young? Is she living her own dreams through her child? Is she trying to give her darling daughter everything she thinks she wants?

Sometimes, I think kids ask for things they don’t really want, just to please their peers, and are hoping fervently inside that their parents will say NO. Maybe this child just wanted her mom to say no, so she could tell her friend she asked and her mom wouldn’t let her go. But sometimes, we as parents read the signals all wrong, and or we THINK this is what our child really wants, or we say YES to the most ridiculous requests because it was something we wanted when we were that age and were denied by our parents. I’m here to tell ya, folks, that just because your kid wants it, doesn’t mean they need it. And just because you CAN give them whatever it is that they want, doesn’t always mean you SHOULD. If you give them their little rock stars when they are eight, what are you going to be giving them when they are sixteen?

What Do They Really Mean When They Say I Am Their Hero?

The other day I was looking at my younger daughter Emily’s MySpace page, and saw that in the space where you can name who your heros are, she had written “My Mom”. So, I went to Rebecca’s page, and saw that she, too, had named me as her hero. I have never considered myself to be anything special, or extraordinary, so I got to thinking about what a “hero” really is, and wondered why either one of my daughters would think of me that way.

When you look at the dictionary definition of the word “hero” it is defined like this:

1. a man distinguished by exceptional courage and nobility and strength; "RAF pilots were the heroes of the Battle of Britain"
2. the principal character in a play or movie or novel or poem
3. someone who fights for a cause
4. Greek mathematician and inventor who devised a way to determine the area of a triangle and who described various mechanical devices (first century)
5. a large sandwich made of a long crusty roll split lengthwise and filled with meats and cheese (and tomato and onion and lettuce and condiments); different names are used in different sections of the United States

And in the thesaurus, suggested words for hero are

1. Brave man
2. Champion
3. conqueror
4. Idol

After looking at all the things that a hero can be thought to be, I wondered which of those things my daughters actually think of me as. So, I investigated the different meanings of each of those words suggested by the thesaurus.

Since I am certainly NOT a brave man, (and don’t consider myself to be a brave woman, either) I skipped that one just on principle. Next up, a Champion. A champion is a winner, a champ, a victor, a title holder, and a defender. To Champion something is to defend it, such as in side with, stand up for. And a defender is a supporter, a backer, a campaigner, an advocate, or a guardian. So, in the sense or meaning of Champion, yes, I could be that, since I was a single mother for most of the time I was bringing up my children, and I supported them not only financially, but emotionally, physically at times, and spiritually. I supported them in everything they attempted to accomplish, and I must say they accomplished a lot.

On to Conqueror. What does that mean? Defeator, vanquisher, subjugator, and captor. I don’t think that meaning is relavent at all. At least I hope not. Did I inadvertantly vanquish any of their dreams? Did I defeat their attempts at anything? Did I hold them captive to my desires? I guess I will never know the answer.

Last on the list is Idol. The handy thesaurus gives us icon, statue, god, diety as substitutions for that word. An icon can be a star, a model, a symbol. Am I the model of the person they want to be? Am I a symbol of what they want to achieve. Oh, I hope not. I hope they accomplish more than I have; I want more for them than that. I certainly am not a god or a diety. But, again, in the sense of the meaning of idol, as a model or a symbol, I guess that could be closer to what my girls mean when they say I am their hero.

Or maybe they think of me as crusty and cheesey and full of baloney, a hero sandwich!

Hadassah House Ministries

My niece Stacie is a truly wonderful young woman. She, along with her husband John, have a created a ministry to girls and women called Hadassah House. The vision of Hadassah House was given to Stacie in order to reach out to females of all ages, to let them know that through faith girls can recognize they are chosen by God, called for a specific purpose, and equipped to complete that purpose.

Perhaps Stacie’s screen name on MySpace says it best, “Complete, Lacking Nothing”. When I saw that, I was really surprised. I have known people who feel that way about themselves, but I have never seen anyone choose a screen name to let the world know it. I was even more surprised when I read her blurb about herself. She told a story of struggling with fear, insecurity, low self-esteem, and rejection as she was growing up.

She said she was an extremely shy and timid child, and had very few friends. I knew she was shy around me, but since she lived hundreds of miles away and we saw each other only two or three times a year, I just attributed that to her being a child amongst adults she barely knew. But, I could just not believe it when I read that she had always considered herself to be ugly and friendless. I always thought she was a very beautiful girl and well liked by everyone, not just us, her family. I am happy for her now that she can call herself “Complete, Lacking Nothing”. I feel that way about myself, too.

On the Hadassah House Ministry website, Stacie writes in her testimony “I no longer deal with the rejection, insecurity, and intimidation that haunted me for the first 29 years of my life. God has completely delivered me from low self-esteem, and I am confident of who I am in Christ. I know that He loves me, and He has called me for a specific purpose, and He will "Complete" that purpose in me!

Part of that purpose is to help girls, teens, and women realize that they, too, are special to God. He has a special name for them -- just like He does for me, and He wants them to see themselves the way He sees them. It is my desire to see girls learn who they are in Christ at an early age so they will not walk in the intimidation and insecurity that I walked in for so long. I want to see teen girls build strong relationships with Jesus so they will not be moved by what the world around them has to say about them, but they will serve Him with all their hearts, that He may complete His purpose in them, and raise them up to be leaders in their generation. Finally, I long to see women become everything God has called them to be. No longer will they be pushed around by the lies the enemy tells them, but they can stand firm knowing God created them with special gifts and talents for the body of Christ, and He has equipped them with everything they need to fulfill their purpose.”

I am excited about Hadassah House Minsitries and what they have to offer to girls and women. But, like any other new venture, they are still struggling to fund their mission. They have several specific needs, from prayer to a building or office, to sponsorship of girls who are not able to pay for materials for the program. If you would like to find out more about Hadassah House and what they believe, and what needs they have, click here.